I want to fix you
by Bam it's Rachel
Summary: Eponine had given up hope. This was the last straw for her. She had given up. Will someone save her? Modern AU, E x E. Trigger warning of attempted suicide and mild swearing. Use of Fall out boy lyrics in this one shot. Maybe be longer depends on how people like it. Better than summary, I promise xx
1. Chapter 1

I want to fix you

Authors note: Hello again. This is me Rachel writing another depressing one shot. I find sad one shots easier than light hearted the world is great no one will die alone type ones. One fact for you all. Research shows that owning a cat will make you more likely to commit suicide. I guess being a crazy cat lady is out of the option for me. Modern AU and mention of self-harm and attempted suicide.

The song lyrics are italics are fall out boy songs and I will write the names afterwards.

Disclaimer: If I owned les mis, I would be living in Paris drinking coffee and be best friends with Grantaire.

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Eponine's p.o.v

Sucking in another deep breath. The air burns my throat and lungs. It feels like I'm inhaling poison. Sharp tears prick my eyes. My vision blurs over with these unshed tears. This is me. _Wasting my time, wasting my time being alive._ My head feels like a mess. Watching them hurt me more than any knife, any gun, anyone else. The bleak Parisian winter sun has sunk down. Leaving me alone in the darkness of the deep pit of night. Not a star is shining. They are all hiding from the bitter harshness of the night. I feel a drop of rain hit my forehead. The sky is crying. Oh how ironic his love is the lark. The sweet innocent lark. The messed up irony of the world we live in. Thank you universe for screwing me over, again. Karma, I thought I had paid all my debts but you took the last thing I had. So my heart is broken. Just fuck you. If there is omnipotent being then he is just fucking my life over again. Every breath I take feels like another blow. Watching Marius- the one candle that I had in my life. Had been blown out. I used to believe that _everyone deserves a flame_ He now was in love with Cosette. The sweet, innocent and pure lark. The one I tormented as a child. Now is here tormenting me, without even knowing it. I just wish I had told Marius how I felt, yesterday was gone and past. _ I would trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday._

I walked down the familiar streets to my apartment. The bare, un-welcoming rooms that are all I have left to call my own. Instead turning down the Right street I carried on. _ I don't know where I'm going_._ But I don't think I'm going home._ The cold winds wrap me in a tight embrace. They call Paris the city of love. This makes me chuckle darkly and sarcastically. More like the city of un-requited love. Yes you see couples putting padlocks on the bridges. Walking hand in hand, hazy eyed and in an aura of happiness. Making me want to stick pins in my eyes and gouge them out. Love is real yes. But who really finds it? Not me. I love someone, but get shut down before given a chance. _If heavens grief brings hells rain, I'll trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday. _ I want one of my yesterday's when Cosette wasn't there to steal Marius's heart from me. I wish I never went to the Musain this evening. I enjoyed spending time there as Grantaire understood my pain. But he masks his grief that similar to mine but is completely different with alcohol. When I first met Grantaire I was scared of him due to this. He reminded me of my father, who was drunkard, criminal bastard who is worse than the seventh layer of hell. Thank God he wasn't here to torment me saying it served me right and that I should go back to the back streets and alleys. Back to where I belonged. I was still proud of myself for escaping him and my parents. My sister told me I was a self-serving coward. My two younger brothers, Henri and Theodore had been sold a long time ago. And Gavroche lived with Courfeyrac, who loved him as his own. Well my sister was right.

The moon had made an appearance when I reached the bridge. It looked hauntingly beautiful, glooming high above the swirling Seine. _We all die. It's just a matter of time. I'm either gone in a moment or here till the bitter end. _ Well I guess this will be my bitter end. How fitting a bitter end to a bitter life. Oh I wish I was poet sometimes so that I could show my bitterness to the world. Then people would understand what pain and cynical thoughts look like. I sometimes sat on the walls on the banks of the Seine by myself listening to music and watching the world go by. I would see people and make up stories for them. Sometimes I would sit there with Grantaire and we would sit in silence. Or he would say "_a penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides._" And I would tell him every pain that had made a home in my heart. I climbed onto the top of the wall. I looked down into the abyss below. Who would really care if I died? My parents wouldn't for sure. Azelma wouldn't either. Marius has his lark. Grantaire has his other friends. Gavroche has Courfeyrac. No one would care in the end. I am invisible, unwanted, sad, broken and used. It would be better if I jumped. No one would remember how I walked around in that fake happiness._ Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great._ I took in one last breath when I heard someone shout from behind me. "Eponine, don't move!" I recognised the voice. "Why shouldn't I?" I said in a defeated tone. "No one will miss me or cares for me." I shout out. "You are wrong, I care." I heard him say weakly. I turned to see who it was. Enjolras? "You just want me to get of this bridge. You don't really care." I say angrily. I do not need this. "_I want these words to make things right. But it's the wrongs that make them come to life._" He muttered looking at me. I felt my resolve ebb slightly. "Why would you do that?" He asked me taking a precarious step forward. "_I can't explain a thing._ I just feel worthless and broken. I feel like _I will never believe in anything again._" I sigh sitting down and putting my head in my hands. Feeling pathetic. "_Change will come._ I promise you will not always be broken." He said carefully sitting next to me. "How do you know?" I ask looking at him. "Because I want to fix you."

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Author's note: So a bit of a happy ending there. Well as happy as you can be with attempted suicide in a story. I had to Enjolras save her as I ship Enjonine. But yeah a lot of music lyrics I that one. It may be longer than a one shot. Depends how you lot liked it.

So here are the songs I used. (All fall out boy and the album is next to the names.)

Of all the gin joints in all the world- Under the Coke tree

Death Valley- Save rock and roll

Alone together- Save rock and roll

(Coffee's for closers)- Folie á Deux

Thnks fr th mmrs- Infinity on high

Just one Yesterday- Save rock and roll

Don't you know who I think I am- Infinity on high


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Hello again. So I will be writing this story less frequently than my other two main stories writing at the moment. The updates will come speed up when they are finished. But until then I am sorry to say this story will be a bit slow.

The dram part will be in Italics

Trigger warning: Self harm references, drug references, swearing and rape references

Disclaimer: I am not a man called Victor Hugo, I am not French and I am not dead.

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**Am I more than you bargained for yet?**

**I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear**

**Cause that is who I am this week**

**Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum**

**I'm just a notch in your bed post**

**But you're just a line in a song**

**Drop a heart**

**Break a name**

**We're always sleeping in,**

**And sleeping for the wrong team**

**We're going down, down**

**In an earlier round**

**And sugar, we're going **

**Down swinging**

**I'll be your number one with a bullet**

**A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it**

**Sugar, we're going down- Fall out boy **

Chapter 2

Eponine's p.o.v

He wants to fix me? I didn't know either to be angry at him interfering with me or to accept his help. I just stared into his clear blue eyes for what seemed like hours but the night was growing colder, if possible. "Eponine, you can stay at my flat tonight. You shouldn't be alone when you feel like this." Enjolras said to me breaking the fast growing tension. "I have my own flat thank you." I say curtly. He shook his head. "Please Eponine, I just want to make sure you are ok." He pleaded quietly. I sighed. Why should I have to go with him? He just thinks I'm nuts. "Why?" I asked testing him. He's just going to make me feel even more degraded and shamed. "Because you need help, I'm willing to help you. And if one of the other guys were acting like this. I would do the same. So please just stop being stubborn and come with me." I sighed one last time and stepped towards him. We were so close that I could feel his body heat radiating towards me. "Thank you." He said quietly. Leading me in the opposite direction I had come here. On the walk it had started to snow lightly. Making me colder than I already was. Enjolras saw that I was shivering and offered me his coat. I took it gladly. We got to Enjolras's flat quickly but were both soaked and cold.

It wasn't the first time I had been in his flat. But the last time we had been with the Amis and I was too preoccupied with Marius to really pay attention to anything, or anyone else. "I've got you a towel. And I'll look for something warmer for you to wear." I was too tired and upset about the day to do anything but nod in reply. I stood on the wooden flooring, so that I wouldn't soak the soft looking rug by the sofas. Enjolras came in with one of his shirts, blushing. "Sorry but this will have to do for now. "He said passing me the shirt. "Thank you anyway." I said quietly. Enjolras led me to the bathroom to let me change. I stripped the layers of soaked clothing before putting the shirt on a doing up the buttons clumsily. I walked to into the kitchen, not sure what to do with myself. I saw that Enjolras was making two cups of tea and I sat down on the table. He placed the hot drink of me and sat on the opposite chair.

The tension was returning. This time it was so thick you would need a chainsaw to cut through. "Eponine, we need to talk about earlier." He said quietly. I sighed. I seemed to being a lot of that lately. "What is there to talk about? You saw me trying to kill myself. And now you think I'm mad and need help." I spat out. Making him flinch in discomfort. "No, I don't think you're mad but you do need help. And I'm willing to help you and the Amis will as well." I froze at the thought. What would Marius think of me? He would probably think I'm even more repelling than I was ever before. He will be disgusted to be even around me. Enjolras noticed that that I was worried. "Are you ok?" He asked, sounding worried. "Please don't tell the Amis." I asked pathetically. He sighed. So it's not just me doing that. "You should as they are your friends as well." He said, taking a sip. "I know, I just don't want everyone to think different of me." I admit the half-truth. "They won't Eponine." He said taking hold of my hand. I quickly pull away. But the sleeve of the shirt rose up revealing my arm to him. I could feel his eyes burning into my skin. Taking in the sights of the scars. Reading them like a map. I self-consciously pushed the sleeve down, but Enjolras was still staring at my arm. I could feel my face burn with shame and discomfort.

"You shouldn't have seen that." I muttered, embarrassed, shamed or a mixture of them emotions and others. "Eponine, please tell me you stopped." He took my silence as a confirmation of a negative response. "Christ, Ponine. Why didn't you ask as for help if you felt so low about yourself?" I didn't know if he was angry, upset or horrified. "Because you would all be disgusted with me." I say, sinking down on the chair. "I'm not disgusted with you. I'm upset that you didn't trust me enough to help. And I am upset with myself for not helping you soon enough." He said quietly to me. I could see hurt in his blue eyes. "How long have you been doing this?" I gulped in air so fast that it burned. "Since I was fourteen." I said. I saw him mentally weighing how to address this. "You have been doing that for six years?" He questioned me. "Yeah, roughly." I said. Hoping he didn't explode about this. I know he is upset. This made me feel guilty, I never wanted to hurt him. "Why did you start?" He asked me. I was even more worried at the fact he was quiet and as pale as a sheet.

"My parents, my home life was too much to bare. I was bullied in school because of how different I was to everyone else. It all mixed together and I couldn't cope anymore." I admitted to him. "What do you mean your parents?" He said furrowing his eyebrows together. I took a deep breath in. "My parents didn't exactly have the most legit jobs. They are con artists, thieves, murders and ect." I paused to look at Enjolras. He was dead pan, no expression had changed from before. I took in another gulp of air and carried on. "I had a perfectly normal childhood. You could say they actually cared about me and my siblings. But my dad's business went bankrupt when they found out he had been conning people and basically stealing of them. And because of this we lost all our money. But instead of getting another decent job, he joined a gang. And that was when my life became living hell. The gang my dad was in started to hang around our 'home' which caused me to suffer more." I stopped again but Enjolras spoke up. "What do you mean suffer?" I looked into his eyes and carried on. "They would beat me. Mentally and physically. I was starved, used as a punching bag and some other things. The older I got the worse it became. I would stop my parents from beating my sister and Gavroche. But I ended half dead by end of those beatings. But that wasn't even the worst." I was shaking slightly now.

I tried for so long to keep these shames to myself. As now as I am telling Enjolras all my secrets, I couldn't stop my memories coming back to life. I could feel tears, leaving hot marks on my face. I didn't realize that Enjolras had gotten up and pulled me into a tight embrace. I finally stopped crying, feeling stupid. "Sorry." I said to Enjolras. He gave me a very weak smile. "It's ok Eponine." I moved away. I wondered what would the proper etiquette for crying in someone's arms and how long you should hug them for? "Do you want to carry on talking or would you like to go to sleep now?" Enjolras asked me. "Can I go to sleep please?" I asked as I was exhausted and didn't want another embarrassing bout of crying. "Sure you can sleep in my bed as you wouldn't want to sleep in Courf's as you would probably catch a disease." I forgot that he shared a flat with Courf. Oh God what if he had heard all of our conversation. "I can't take your bed, I'll sleep on your sofa." I said defiantly. "No, you need to sleep more than me. Take my bed." Normally I would argue with him until he would give up and sleep on the sofa. But I just did as he asked and went to sleep in his bed. Which was actually much comfortable than my own. I fell asleep quickly albeit I was plagued with the day's events.

"_Stupid bitch, it's your fault we were caught!" Thénardier roared at me. "I wasn't even with you." I said stupidly. I regretted it when his fist connected with my jaw. "You are a worthless piece of shit. If you and those other brats weren't here I would be living a life of luxury. But instead I have to pay for you useless bastards" He said before kicking me hard in my shins, making me fall over. "You need to start earning your keep, slut." I noticed that the rest of the Patron Minette were in the room. Laughing at me and egging my father on. I vision was blurring slightly. I saw Montparnasse speak to my dad, who was grinning. This made me feel sick to my stomach. Montparnasse dragged me up roughly. He was sneering at me. He shoved me into the room I shared with my siblings but who weren't around. I noticed that he was locking the door and leering at me. "What are you doing?" I asked worried. "You don't need to know slag." I gulped audibly, making him smile sinisterly. I was pushed on to the fetid mattress on the floor. "Parnasse please don't, please." I pleaded as he sank down on top of me. "Stop complaining you whore. I know you want this." He said, chuckling darkly. "I don't, please you don't have to do this." I cried. "Oh but Eppy I paid your father for this pleasure. And I know you will enjoy it as well." He said before pulling my jeans down. _

I woke up with Enjolras calling my name. I woke up and the bedside light had been turned on and that Enjolras was sitting next to me on the bed. "Eponine, what's wrong?" He asked me as I wiped the tears from my face. "Just a bad dream." I said putting on a fake smile. "Do you want to talk about it?" He said smoothing my hair in a comforting action. I shook my head. "Are you ok now?" He said. About to get up. "Please don't leave." I croaked up. He understood and climbed into the bed next to me. Normally I would freeze up if anyone came this close to me, but he made me feel safe. "Goodnight Eponine." I heard himself before drifting off to sleep again.

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Authors note: So hello again and I hope this chapter wasn't too terrible. It took a while to write and is probably the longest chapter I have EVER wrote for any story. Which is pretty bad but I do not care, I crossed a barrier. So I am pretty happy. So that is all for now. I will update sometime between now and next week xxx


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